I’m not going to lie, August was a month that I wouldn’t mind forgetting.
With all the sailing I’ve been doing, I was fortunate enough to have been distracted for most of it, but now as I settle in for a bit of time off, and as I head towards Christmas, I’m reminded that I lost my one and only, my best friend, my entire world.
For those of you that don’t know, just before the Fastnet race, I was faced with one of life’s worst decisions- whether or not to put a pet to sleep.
I had come back from a delivery bringing Normandie to the UK ahead of the race, and something in my gut was telling me something was really wrong. As I drove to Essex, the feeling intensified, and on arrival to my parents house, my worst fears were confirmed; he was really unwell.
Having had Bertie in my life for 13 years, I know him, I know when he’s not feeling his best, and despite the wagging on me getting to him, he couldn’t get up off the floor. Bertie was sadly suffering with Pneumonia and as a result a collapsed lung and an enlarged heart, and he fought hard, he tried to stay with me, I even sat all day on the floor of the vets with him, he just couldn’t fight any more, so I chose to end his suffering and he was put to sleep on the 29th July.
Heartbreaking doesn’t even cover what I felt, what I still feel.
Even the very mention of him, or passing glance at photos is enough to have me sobbing for most hours of the day. It’s been tough to get through. I still sleep with his collar and one of his favourite toys, and on the really bad days, I can be found in his basket crying my eyes out.
Now I know he was “just a dog”, and a lot of people will think it ridiculous that I am mourning his loss, but to me he was never just a dog. He was my best friend, my right hand paw, the one who was always by my side, the one I could always go back to for that endless love and comfort.
What I hadn’t prepared myself for was how much loosing him would affect me, how much it would turn my world upside down, and even make me question my own motivation which is something I thought would never happen. Loosing him has totally shaken me, and now nearly 2 months later, I’m only just able to acknowledge that and even think about getting myself back on track.
Thank you for everyone that has been supporting me though this tough time, it means a lot!
Miss you Bert Dog x